Nothing but Me

Gusto kong maging writer!!! sigaw* Pero..subalit ..datapwa't ..anak ng tipaklong hanggang ngayon, nangangarap pa rin ako..Gusto kong maging isang tagalog romance writer. Kaya naman nagpasa ang lola mo ng obra niya. Walk-in at kahit pa i-JRS gnun pa rin ang resulta.."RETURN to the writer"...ang saklap..oo ang saklap..*itarak niyo skin ang sibat *argggh*..At dahil sa masidhing pagnanasa kong maging isang writer at all cost, pati ang pagiging ghostwriter, pinasok ko na..huhuhu..Hindi ko alam kung qualified ako. Ano naman kasi ang kakayahan kong gumawa ng purong ingles na mga katha? sweesssshhhhh...Basta nag email ako. Take note pati ung mga Local newspaper na mga insights and views, pinasahan ko rin ng gawa ko...Lakas talga ng apog nu. heheh..whatever! Eh sa gusto kong maging writer eh....

To the captain of my heart....

Dear Captain Den,
I know its absurd to write u this letter,
but I just wat u 2 knw how gratefull I am
to hve u in my journey.
The first time I aboard this ship called M/V Amor..
I was so afraid..I dont want to go out my cabin.
But then, I heard those knocks coming from the door..
I gently opened it...I saw u...
In ur dashing white uniform and u lead the way..
Then in just a struck..
Something had gone wrong...The surrounding had suddenly changed.
I can feel the
sudden movement of the ship..It was harsh..
The once clear sky became dark and the sun
becomes red---as blood..
thunder and lighting hovered on us...
Big waves seems so furious...
I can hear screaming..shouting..people!!
so many people..dying...wounded...I let go...
I was out of my mind..Tears streaming down
my face...my hands shaking..my knees trembling..
I covered my ears...I closed my eyes...
I'm all alone..And the cold wind enters
deep in my bones..I can't move. I was stuck.
I wanna wake up..Please somebody wake me up!

Then somethings happening! I can feel the heat...
melts down the coldness within..
i can feel somebody's breathing ...
getting closer..closer...then touches my lips..
"Wake up..please...", a gentle voice of a young man.
I opened my eyes..Ur face so close.
Ur lips touches mine......
As ur arms embracing me..generating a natural
heat from human's body..
"Hush! Don't cry..I'm here.."
Just before I opened my lips to ask...
"Yes baby...we just did..we survived!..." You said.
I can't speak much...my heart's overflowing with joy..
I embraced you..in ur broad shoulders I cried..
"Sorry, I mess your uniform"...I said..realizing
its wet with my tears..
You lauhed at me.Then I can see in you the susnhine...
the hope...the love...
Atlast Ive found u captain! I uttered..

Now..I can see the ship at the horizon...
passing thru the waves and the wind...
I can see u waving ur hands at me...
When time comes..I know u'll comeback..

With this letter I seal my love and hope.
Wishing u wouldn't mind my confessions...
Sometimes its just easy to write this feeling
than saying it with the man who saved my life aboard...
We'll sorry for not telling u this face to face...
I love u captain...with all my heart...i'm just here waiting
Hope u can read this!!!!!!!

-----fortress--------

Eto na naman ako, parang sira, minsan tulala minsan parang wala lang....
Hangang ngayon hindi ko pa rin matanggap (*ouch), bumagsak ang MS ko...
Naiinggit aq sa mga TR Writers..
Naiinggit aq dahil napakadali lang para sa kanila ang pagsulat..
Naiinggit ako dahil parang mani lang ang lahat..
Naiinis aq dahil hindi q nagawa...
Naiinis aq dahil hindi q alam ang dapat kung gawin
Buti pa sila, kapag naisulat na ang naisin, ipapasa sa editor, at maghihintay na lang
ng konting panahon...Revision at Accept lang ang sagot.
Minsan 2loy nasisip q, susuko na ba aq?
Kaya q pa ba?
Anyway 2 pa lang naman ang nababagsak ko....hmmmmm....mamemeorize kaya nila ang pangalan ko kung nakasampung RETURN na ako? heheheh.....dyahe na un uy!

Akala q basta marunong ka lang magsulat okay lang..basta nakakapagsulat ka lang ng gusto mo at nais ng puso, ayos na...
Marunong naman akong magsulat eh...In fact, nakakatatlong novel na akong nasusulat from January to early May, 2006.
Isa ang nareject...dalawa pa ang naghihintay na baka masipa na naman...
All in all 5 na yung naggawa q. 2 palang ang pinasa ko, nareject pa...
Ewan q ba....ginwa ko naman ang kaya q eh, pero...tsk..tsk....haayyyy.....
Kunot na ang noo ko, drain na utak ko sa idea, maraming pumapasok pero wala ako sa mood...
Gusto ko talagang magsulat....tulad nila....

I dunno how to feel right now..Mix emotions aq..gusto qng maiyak pero wala nmn aqng maiyak, gusto kong mainis, yeah im feeling it right now, pro ayokong mainis s buong mundo.....Walang wala aqng pakiramdam...my Manuscript was rejected....ang saklap..But that's the truth and it really hurts...But I can't feel the pain so far..Not now..maybe mamya..pag mag-isa nlng ako, mararamdaman q ung impact ng pagbagsak ng MS ko. ..I thought papasa na iyon, Parang ayoko n ngang kunin sa publication company dahil nanghihina ang tuhod q. It was in Quezon City pa..Im here in Cavite..Kukunin ko pa ba un? Just to feel *arghhh again...
When I hard the words "RETURNED to the author" at first it was ok..yeah I feel ok pa..Kala ko kaya q..I expected it, but I'm still hoping it will pass...Then minute by minute I can feel na unti-unting naglalagas ang sarili ko n parang puzzle, bit by bit something in me is falling down..

I already mailed my MS thru JRS at 2:00 pm..gosh..sa wakash....now I can sleep tight....
I've been thinking of it, everyday, everynight...Hayy..all I have to do now is to wait the verdict of my Manuscript.."RETURN, REVISE or ACCEPT"....ano kaya sa tatlo?
kakatakot..Bahala na...Needs alot of prayers and hope...gud luck my MS....Good luck Lily....I've done my part..now it's yours...
wish* wish*

I hate MOJACKO, DOREIMON and Hi-blood
Those were the three men I don't like to mingle with.
How I wish not to see them here, but I know it's impossible
not unless I resigned. Duhhhh..Hanggang kelan ba?
Nakakiniip naman. Minsan I just dream of winning in the lottery
so I can resign in this work. It's making me dumbass here.
And it's triggering my "Poor Me Syndrome"
I've been here more than 2 years. So bakit ba ako nagtyatyaga d2, kung ayaw ko na?
It's simple....MONEY...FINANCIAL SUPPORT.
Haaayyyy, pag un ang laging reason, I will never be happy here.
Pero I have to work, that's y kahit ayaw ko na, sige lang.
Madalas naiinis ako d2...Madalas hinihiling ko na sana, 5:30 na..Sana uwian na.
I'm sick and tired of doing things na hindi ko naman talaga ginusto.
I want to write..to write...and write everything that comes
into my mind..I will never be contented not until I fulfill what I want to..really and badly want.

01-05-2005

Here I am busted by the piles of work in front
Taking up my merienda at 5:03 pm
I just can't skip not jotting this thoughts I have
in mind.
Here Sally is bragging me that Jonas has no time
for her anyway
Duuuuhh. I dnt think so
I know the guy loves her so.
I dnt know whats the fuss on them
Last night I heard that my dear
cousin has an LQ with his gf
Do I smell a break-up? Heheheh
I dnt know, I think I have to eavesdrop a
little bit more.
Hek!
Tsk.Tsk.Tsk.
Many lovers do break apart
Many hearts were hurt
Many tears had shed
I hope and pray that we never part
My Bby and I
We've been together almost a year since I ask him to
be my boyfrend.hahah
But why does our relationship keeps getting stronger
despite the distance and the intrigue of
what we call "Reputasyon ng Pamilya"
I dnt know. At the back of my mind I do know
But I dnt have a hint if its the real point
The only reason I know is..
because of...
Him...
Even there so many times I decided and
challenge a break up
He's just there, not minding my fuss
Hahahaha.
Doesnt even think Im serious.heheh
Well because he can read my mind and heart
and he knows I dnt really
want to break apart
Until now we stand stronger....because
He loves
He understands
He fights..
3 common things everybody knows
but few only understands.
GOD, I thank HIM for bringing
my baby in my life
The most desirable man a woman
could ever want...
And I have him.
Am a lucky gurl am I? ^_^

Let the leaves fell down against the strong wind
Let it fall to the ground
ALong with the dust and sand

And when the rain comes
let it comes down with the pours
Tiny little peebles along its way,

gently brushes by the day.
Set your sail before you dry
And leave nothing but brown and lie

As the freshesness still wrap up,
let the flow lead you to sea
Set sail along the breeze

Find the man I long to see
When you find him
Bring him back to me

Under the tree I'm waiting to thee.