Sunday, March 27, 2005 

What am I to u? A friend or a lover?

U chased me..."taya" then I chased you..
we laugh aloud with other guys, we giggled
That was when I took a vacation in our province that I met you...
I never thought of you but a simple playmate I have back there.

You came here in Manila and we meet again.
Can't remember when was that but I still knew the first movie we watched together.
I even remember the clothes I wear.heheh
I know you knew this lyrics "Tabi tabi po sa bangkay, lulubog lilitaw sa saradong hukay"
I used to memorized that..me and my brother..something from Magic Kingdom or Temple...?Hek..I admit Im curious to meet you..
I thought..."I like you. Hope you like me, too. But am afraid to show...and I know why."

It was 1997, we meet in my aunt's wedding.
I saw you wearing that gorgeous suit..Ur so handsome...I blushed.
Do I look great in my gown? I want to ask u..
But I can't..I'm shy to approach you.
How I wished we could be partners in walking down the aisle..
but I guess tis not my luck, though...
I secretly glance at you..but you don't bother to look back.
I thought..."I like you. Hope you like me, too. But am afraid to show...and I know why."

2001. When you planned to stay here in Manila.
We got the chance to be together..We became even closer..
Your always here for me..and me for you..
We always talk things out..anything under the sun..
We even go to church every Sunday..I thought that this feeling is made to heaven...
Whenever we hold hands when singing "our Father"...I felt like...a current of electricity passes through every veins I have directly hitting my fragile heart..
Wishing the song wudn't end..how I wish of that..so I can hold your hand close...
But you don't know a thing..
I thought..."I like you. Hope you like me, too. But am afraid to show...and I know why."

It was October of the year 2001, when everythings have to change..You fell inlove...but not to me...
I know you will..she's tall, a model figure, a pretty woman..
But to no avail I get jelous...
Though we talk, always...the thing is that..
I can see you both..so happy...Im so hurtI felt a rush of pain..
I wanna tell you to stop loving her..but I know I musn't..
I know..."I love you. Hope you love me, too. But am afraid to show...and I know why."

Then she break up with you..I know she hurt you much..
But I am always here...sumone you can trust..as always..
I shud be happy though..but why am still in pain..seeing you in such agony...
I still wanna cry...
I wrote in the diary I have.."Mas masakit pa lang makita na nsasaktan ang taong mahal mo"
I close the book and hide it..
I dunno how you have read that..I'm so clumsy...!
Everything I hide..my thoughts..my dreams...you have read that..
You still had other gfs...but still not me...*ouch..
You talk about them..but I always listen..
I wanna slap you..punch you..so you wud notice me..
Then I gather all my guts and tell you my side of story...my lovelife, too..
The man hu courts me..someone hu links at me..and everything..my first love..my crushes..everything..
So by that I will get even. *wink...
I have no intention of testing your feeling but am too tired of listening to you.. This tym I will sell my part of the bargain..
Because....
I know..."I love you. Hope you love me, too. But am afraid to show...and I know why."

Christmas eve...2001...With some spirit of pomelo gin in my head I got tipsy..and so are you..
I wanna sleep but only to feel a soft lips on mine...Am I dreaming I thought?"
But when I opened my eyes I wasn't..and it was you..I struggle but only for a while...
But how can I resist the strong feeling I hve for you?
I told to myself "Bahala na".
That was our first kiss..My first kiss...
You told me to talk about last night but I refused..
I told u to forget about it...and you just shook your head..
Because...
I know..."I love you. Hope you love me, too. But am afraid to show...and I know why."

And now..2005...I hven't talk to you in person since July last year..
but..I know you wud come..As you promise you will..
I will read to you this..I know u already knew what I feel bout you...
U even told me about reading my diary...
Telling me about those gurls of yours to see how wud I react...I blushed...
but I feel happy, that you already knew that before I told you.
Sometimes its easy to tell you through pen how I feel about you..
I may sound so corny...I know...but it's me...the woman you love...or maybe you just found a strong fortress in me..I dunno..
In either ways....I want to hear from you again those things I longing to hear, months ago...
Then I'll kiss you and embrace you..telling you again and again how much I love you..
Hope your already here when we celebrate our 38th monthsary, bby.
Because "I love you. I know you love me, too. But am afraid to show...for the reason we both know why."

3/27/2005 07:39:00 PM | |

Thursday, March 10, 2005 

Here I am....Who I was Yesterday? Part 2

To give no further adieu..here's the second part of it...sigh*
Here goes....

- When I was in hs, am a boyish type of gurl..I hate it wenever i know someone likes me..I push them away..hahah...in fact..wen I was in first year, I had a crush to a fourth year gurl..To the extent that I cried because of her...dahil....cnbihan xa ng classmate ko n pangit...gwabee..ang babaw ko tlga...

- When I was grade one..I really want to grow-up..and even planned to get married at the age of.....twelve! hahah..wud u blieve...kla ko kc at that tym dalaga nko at pwede ng mag-asawa..hahaha...

- At dhil ndi kmi rich..minsan kpag nwalan me ng pera khit piso lng ndi nko makauwi niyan.. as a result..there was a tym n ndi me nkapagbyad s jeep...*tkot nga ko kc bka mahalata ng driver, pro i thnk of d strategy..ako nlng taga-abot ng bayad ng mga pasahero at ssbihin ko.."Manong bayad ho"..khit ndi ako ang nagbayad ^_^.

- Coz my school was inside the base..i got used in seeing sooo many tanks and armed men dress in camouflage..prang nsa Basilan ang feeling pag red alert...ndi kmi makalabas ng base.pro ok lng..my thrill nman eh.

- I still remember the day when I drag my 4 year old brother to what so called "tambakan". Hala halukay ukay ever..pro dhil ndi kmi nkatira s payatas area, hndi basura un halukay nmin..kundi mga basura ng factories like retaso, canned goods n sinusunog dahil expired ata..styro..etc..am very very proud to say..nakakuha ako ng isang corned beef n ok p nman..ndi kc nasunog kya at dat tym tingin ko pwede png kainin..wawa*..hahah..Ganyan tlga mahirap maging mahirap.heheh

- Traumatic ang baha pra sakin..kc nman when I was five nahulog n ko sa baha..yakkksss...nkainom p yata ko eh.. In 2nd year hs, nag-evacuate kmi everytym n mlakas ang ulan.One tym kc..ngcing nlng kmi na mlapit ng maabot ng baha ang kama nmin.
Hayyy...then hala tingnan nmin s labas..evacuate n lahat ng neighbors..kmi nagsisimula palng mag-alsa balutan..Gwabee that was 3am I thnk. Then daan kmi s bintana, sinalo nlng kmi ng neighbor nmin..binuhat to d safer ground..hayy..Heto kami basang basa sa ulan..walang masisilungan..walang malalapitan* Aegis song yan ha. Pero prng ganun ung snapit nmin. Kya nman everytime I see s news n mga binahaan .....I know how it feels....I can relate...Naranasan ko eh ^_^..pro atleast i had experience dat.

- the most embarassing part of my hs was when I was hit by that despicable ball on my face..*It was our Intrams..waaahhhh...one team was playing volleyball..pero despite of my iwas iwas ever..(am just a passerby)..
Hala..Toink!~ S-A-P-U-L* sa mukha ko....The worst was yet to come..
Pinagtawanan ako ng mga players..Instead of saying sorry..tawanan ang mga loko..waaahhh...khit blurred n ung vision ko at that tym kita ko p nga ung iba kong classmates...tumawa rin! waaahhh...Pro I am a woman of composure....I smiled p...prang la lang! Pro after that..s HE class nmin, one of my classmate told me...
"Nakita kita natamaan k ng ball knina ah..Nagsorry b cla?"
"Hindi"
"Ganun, ang sama nman"
"Bayaan mo n"
then meron pang naki usi..
"Namula nga ikaw knina eh..as in..nag-blushed k"
Smile ako then saying
"Ganyan tlga pag tisay" (kahit negra nman)
approaching my frend
"Ok k lng b?"
Then..that was it..she just pop the balloon..
"Hindi",,,I cried n..
waahhhh...
Umiyak nko..not because masakit ung ball..but because I feel buong school nakakita s nangyaring pagkhit s face ko ng ball..waaahhh
And bcause nobody ask me of wat I feel, only one..kya un I cried..knina ko p pinigil ung iyak n un..eh..
I Hate volleyball...khit basketball basta my ball...iwas nko agad..I dont want to make a second round of it...waaahhhhh

~~~~~ Kya nga badminton nlng laro ko..para mas maliit un maghit sa kin if ever! hahahah

3/10/2005 03:10:00 PM | |

Wednesday, March 09, 2005 

Let's talk about the undisputed love affair ek ek...

There just a story I eagerly wanted to share.
A story of love and destiny (if it was called so).
A typical grade school gurl so hurt by her blinded love at the boy nxt door.
At her young age, she manage to build her own castles of dreams..but as the tides gets high, waves came rushingand destroyed her castle.
She wept really hard. Assuring herself that she wud nver love anyone more than she love the boy.
Days pass, mnths and years. Nver did her heart beat for any man..Not until one day..she bump with him..accidentally.
All of a sudden, blood came rushing at her veins..drums began to roar...Here he is...in front of her..smiling..
Do he still know me? She managed to think.
To her surprise yes..It was just 7 years past.
She thought of it as her destiny...He is her destiny.
After a long years of silence, her heart burst his name..
The name of the boy she first love.
But the clouds already acuumulate to give a sudden vast storm.
It was raining when she saw the couple..happily sharing the moments under the umbrella.
The man holding the gurl's hands...the gurl so happy....She walk steady fast them..Did he able to notice her? Maybe not....As the rain pours so as the tears..her tears...She thought. she believe that it was a sign....Once she ask for him..his sign...then he appeared suddenly...Is this another sign telling her to stop believing that she can have him?
That was it..A hopeless romantic her...If she will be able to love another that is not as much as she love him...She tell herself..
She graduated in college.
Got a good job...but still longing for the lost love..
She had regret not telling him how she feels.
She just thought that it was mutual..that he also like her..To her dismay..the answer is not.
Of all these years she lived in her beliefs, in hope that eventually fades its way...
Now. here she is writing this journal once again...Not a single tear drop...A pain never seen at her lips..there is no regret....
Only one thing though...she swallowed her words...
Yes...She had love another wonderful man..
She even love him more than the first one..
She dunno know if she love him because in some sense they hve the same traits....
He even ask her hand for marriage...and she said yes..I do..I do...
Although it was still indefinite..
****
I am happy now...in 2 things though.
I change him (my bf) from being such a playboy to a one woman man-I guess....heheh
He made me believe that there is no such thing as destiny..
We build our own one.. But he told me onething bout us..It was magic!
That love is magic...
U thought that something has just vanished..but it was a trick...it was not even there.
His my first bf..and he doesnt even know that..
Am not his...but I dont care..I Know am his first in many things.....
I learned not to cry over spilled milk...yu know why...kc my chocolate pa s ref...more delicious.hahahah..joke.
I learned that fantasy differs from reality...
My first is a fantasy while my bf is my reality..
We should't bother ourselves to look for a man to love and who will love us in return...
True love finds its way ...To your way perhaps..
Sometimes we stumble not knwing that he's the one we've waiting for all of this time (I knew my bf eversince were just a kid..Never got an idea that someday he'll be my man)
It happens...for some reason it does..
Trust God..You know what? I think Pangs (Panget..as we call each other) is a product of my dreaded prayers at the church.hahahahha...gwabeee
And....pls...lang...wag magsalita ng tapos..hahah!
We've just celebrated our 36 months or should I say 3 years anniv. last feb...^_^
And how does our love story started? Well that's another tale..:>)

3/09/2005 04:09:00 PM | |

Tuesday, March 08, 2005 

Sobbing! :(

It was early morning this day, wen I suddenly fell like I wanna cry...Gwabee, can't help it..so sad now! till now! It was just because of Cholo and Jodie..wahhhhh....am crazy with that koreanovela thing at GMA. Ive learned the sad ending of 8..and I just wanna cry..I really wanna tell it to my mader (avid fan too) but...I doubt..I dnt wanna ruin her night because of what am goin to tell her..But if I cant help it..I'll burst it out.wahhhh..Tsk tsk tsk..If my bf wud know this...he'll laugh at me...really! I dnt want him to see me like this...I hate it when he laughs at me. Whenever I cry while we watch sad movies...Kaazar!Then telling me
"Hala! Umiyak kb?"
"Excuse me hindi no"
Laughter, his not mine ha.
"Namumula na nman ang ilong mo eh"
Then a loud
"Tse, pakilam mo"..

Sigh..That's him..my Cholo in flesh and blood...
I mean the reverse Cholo....of Stairways to Heaven...ang bf kong.....hmmmppp....never mind :)

Damn I miss him alot...grrrr...7 months? yeah right...that was long enough for me to miss him..
Then another 2 months to wait! waaaahhhh........

3/08/2005 01:54:00 PM | |

Wednesday, March 02, 2005 

Here I am now...Who I was yesterday? Part 1

Gwabbe na ang traffic sa Bonifacio..gabi-gabi na lang nangangamoy sunog na goma ang damit ko..Pano ba namn? parang naghihingala ang bus na sinasakyan ko...going up the bridge (Bonifacio pow)..Pero its ok..sanayan lang ika nga..
As we pass the area, I reminisce my high school days...kc nman, uwian ng mga estudyante ng PCSHS, my alma mater bow. Tulad ng panahon ko, nkikipaghabulan din ang batch nila ngyon s mga sasakyan.hahaah...same as yesters. My mga magjowa sa dilim, meron nman mga baklang papansin..At hindi nawawala ang kulitan ng mga patweetums...
A deep sigh...buti nlng hindi kami mayaman noon...(till now..hahahah). Atleast naranasan ko ang mga bagay na mahirap pero nkktawa after a few years...
Du yu know that?
- wen i was in grade 1, I walked from our hthe school to our house. dunno if how many km that was..all i know is that, supposedly u have to ride a tricycle..U knw y? kc nkalimutan ng nanay kong iwannan ako ng pera..sinusundo niya kc me.at nung tym n un..maaga kming pinalabas ng teacher..To the point n nkipag-agawan p ako ng perang hinahagis ni mam...sa min..Ewan ko b..sna nangutang nlng ako..50 cents lng naagaw ko..piso po un pamasahe (noon). Then..hala..nag-alay lakad akong mag-isa...ang layo nun ah..at highway p ang daanan. dmi tri at bus kc daan dun...sigh agen.

- at the age of six..isa nkong dakila at ekspertong shop lifter? hahah.....no kiddin'..Nagshoplift ako ng mango...Hindi ko yata naisip nun na magbabayad pala dapat...heheh..ewan..that was long ago..mjo limot ko n..Nagulat ang nanay ko ng pag-uwi nmin sa bahay eh may bitbit akong mango...ano un magic! ^_^

- at the age of 9, grade 3 I tnk..nagbebenta nko ng candy at palabunutan ng prizes..hahah...nttwa ako pag naalala ko..in fairness my kakumpetensya ako..un nging bestfrend ko nung elem...c Ma-an...('ope she dnt read this)

- first tym kong nagkaroon ng cologne...take note "Green Cross"..wen I was in third year hs..ahahay! kung ndi pa ko datnan ng LBM s school eh ndi ako bibili..Takot kc me na bka i smell awwwwfullll..heheh..ktbi ko p nman un crush ko dat tym.hahahah

3/02/2005 12:37:00 AM | |

Tuesday, March 01, 2005 

D Missing Piece!

The missing piece! is it Love? Is it Magic? Nope...Its my missing one piece of earring...waaahhh...Anak ng teteng...lagot ako sa bf ko..Sabi ko n nga ba hindi ako mbubuhay ng maligaya pa walang slamin...joke..Naiwan ko kc s ofce ung beautiful hand mirror ko..that's why..I wasnt able to see myself earlier in d bus while goin here at the ofce..If I had sana..I can notice the missing piece..waahhh...Hndi ko tuloy lam kung san b nawala un..Actually coz of my clumsyness sanay nkong mawalan ng gamit..but not those things with sentiments..magwawala ako...grrrrr! nku pinaghirapan p nmn ng bbyko un..dugo at pawis ang puhunan nun..Khit nung bnigay niya skin, pinagtawanan ko p dahil prang hikaw ng baby s sobrang liit.^_^Lam ko n...itanong ko kaya ky muning-the cat kung nkita niya..malay mo bglang nagsalita yun..at mlamang himatayin nmn ako...wag nlng..wish ko lng hindi nag dive sa toilet bowl un wen i tuk a bath knina. Bka nkikipagsiksikan n un s maaliwalas n poso negro..ewwwww! i dnt wana think bout it....yakkkyyyyy!I hope I found it mamya....

3/01/2005 09:30:00 AM | |